Secret Love

Twelve years of loving thee

Kept hidden and mystery

From you, you’ve never known

And me flown sans wings

              Everytime I am with you.

Twelve years of loving thee

Long and not easy to do

Yet happiness within me,

Held back my emotions

              Everytime we talked to.


Dash Off

The day he left her around the greens, hues are initially fading.

Along with the words she previously written, now she doesn’t know how to end.

No tone, no rhythm, nothing—


Is this really what love is? Pain and heartache in the end? Or because she’s only the one who loved. Loved him completely, and she forgotten what is left for herself. Drowned and swept by waves.

Don’t. Don’t torment yourself with the wrong person. He is not guilty neither you are. It is just a wrong time with the wrong one. Run. Run as long as you can. Run away not for him but to the sadness that killing you  slowly. Live on, not for him yet for yourself. 

Last Friday With You

Did you know how hard to be a silent person? It was not for being not heard or how difficult to deal with them, but the feeling of their going through. On the eyes of others, she is strong and tough. So that no one initiates to ask her if she’s in pain- or hurt.

To others, today is holiday- independence day to be exact. Some are happy, and others are weeping. That’s life. When someone’s can’t breathe because of happiness while some were in pain, grieve, and weep.

3 o’clock in the morning when she was awaken. Her heart beat was fast than norms. Sweating yet the temperature was cool. She had a feeling that there was something wrong. And her instinct was right. Her grandfather was initially out of breath, his oxygen was getting worser, and she did’nt know what to do. To stay on his side, hold his hand, or stay away because she’s afraid to let him go- for life. 


I don’t understand, in a place of nowhere I can still imagine you. I don’t understand, in a dark corner I can still see your face. I don’t understand on the cold nights I can still feel the warmth of your hugs. I don’t understand. I don’t understand why I have been always thinking of you though it should not be. When I always told myself “hey, move forward” were the times I have moved back and it will back again on cycle. The pain, tears, and heartache have been as fresh as yesterday. Same as pulling me down and suffered.

The year ended, the seasons changed, but my feelings are still the same. I don’t understand why I can’t let you go. 

ATM: 103

​Friday: September 02, 2016

Doing: Hi there! Tick-tock tick-tock it’s twelve o’clock! These past few weeks I’ve been on my Violin lesson (actually it’s a self-taught Violin lesson) it was hard at first but now I’m in love!. Anyways I’m here lying on my bed with my two lovely cats, then typing this random midnight thoughts  and hoping for some good things to happen. 

Eating: Nothing. But craving for turon (fried banana spring rolls with jackfruit), and buko (coconut) juice 

Smelling: *sniff* my own smell 😂. Not bad.

Hearing: this silence is totally deafening.

Drinking: water with lemon.

Seeing: the whole thing in my room and I don’t want to describe it… it’s messy. 🙂 

Thoughts: The main reason why I passed by here is I want to greet myself a happy happy birthday! 😅 If ever, some of my love ones forgot this day, at least there’s ME who still remember my own natal!😁

 Thank you Lord for this gift, another year of life. 

Since I’m a young adult, I’m planning to have a  yearly birthday ME travel (soul searching😅 And hopefully will start next year). I want to explore, I want to fly like a bird spreading wings without a limit, I want to be free. I want to seek who I am, to know what my real purpose in life.

All of a Sudden

Amazed as twilight dropped
And the woods fell silent.
Stars and moon set as our light,
No one’s there but us.
You took my hands; kissed, then I blushed.

I could feel the warm of your love.
A far cry from what I was imagine,
And the moment that I waited to
The Days, weeks, months, and years
You and me, forever.

In a tune of saxophone
With thee, was fantastic
Every swayed, touched, and hugged
Our breaths become one
While the stars were on us.

I, You closed your eyes
Then your lips were on mine
And we kissed each other
Deep, cheery, and lovely

Once I opened my eyes
The moment you too
Was out of my sight
I forgot that I’ve been had on my fiction,
Created a tale in my mind…


PS: Photo is not mine ©-> @gloria-zivago

Hide and Seek

It is hard to explain
What’s going on in my mind
When I don’t understand myself.
Alike hiding my deepest feeling and
become an actress in front of you,
Keep holding my emotion
So you may not know
I need to be strong
so it couldn’t be obvious
That my heart is all about you.
“I like you”
How long I’ll be hiding this?
As trees cover me
“I love you”
Can you hear me?
While the bird songs in harmony
Follow the tune, follow the echo
And find me in this deep dark woods


PS: photo is not mine, ©tto: @-apocalypse (PicArts)

Full of Rues


My soul filled with pain,
My heart is laden.
I am tearing into pieces, but this is not enough
compared to the pain you felt.
Yes, I am in hurt, and cried over and over,
because I wasted my chance,
I wasted our time.
The chance to take care of you;
The chance to make you happy;
The chance to show you how much I love you,
were the time I wasted and not recoverable.
Is this really what life’s for?
I hate myself!
I did nothing while you were in difficulty and gradually loss of breath.
Rather than I was beside you, and holding in your hand,
what did I do? I just ran away…
I ran away, not because I don’t care but
Because I was afraid you’d leave me.
As fragile as a newborn baby, I became weak while you need me.
The truth was you still fighting, yet I let go.
This weakness was the reason why I lost you. I really hate myself!
I miss your smile
I miss your voice
I miss your laugh
I miss you completely.
I know, I could not bring back the days passed.
One thing I wish for,
hopefully, you could forgive me.
I miss your smile
I miss your voice
I miss your laugh
I miss you completely!
I’m sorry, Pa.
I screamed, and I screamed in silence, and I feel nothing but regrets.

06-12-2015 😭
IMissYou Pa

Where’s The Last Piece?


Here I am, where are you?
A far of sight, I am thinking of you.
As the skies were splendid, it rendered your image.
As the wind blows, I could hear your voice.
Here I am, where are you?
As the sun shines, I could feel your touch.
As the stars twinkle, I could see “us.”
As the moon lights, I could imagine our love will last.
Here I am, where are you?
An incomplete puzzle waiting for you
To fill the long loss heart of mine.


PS: photo is not mine, via Stephanie Vollaire (

ATM 102

Saturday: May 14, 2016


Doing: From the cottage (nipa hut), here I am taking photos, watching those peeps which having a good time at this beach. Yes, we’re at the beach right now. Finally, I can shout and feel the “summer“!

Eating: A portion of pancit canton, thank you to the birthday man (papa’s friend). Actually I didn’t yet greet him. How rude am I (haha.)

Smelling: the grilled pork chop and hotdog.

Hearing: the excessive waves and wind. And the different voices of folks. (The rain is approaching, hope is not strong…)

Drinking: an iced soft drink (coca cola)

Seeing: my parents and friends have their own chitchat, laughing aloud. The children are enjoying the waves, and others making sand castle while the rain are finally pouring (not much).

Thoughts: I wish I were the wind so that I might kiss your lips. I wish I were the waves so that I could hug you tight. I wish I were the sand so that I could feel your care. I wish I were the rain so that you might know that I am existing.
I am not invisible.



P.S: Beach, nature makes me feel warm, relax, and comfortable. As same for “Me time/alone time”, exploring nature is one of my companions.